I'm Losing It

I have been having a hard time this last week. I am now allowed to eat more food and also some yummy food, but I feel like I am cheating. I am worried about spiraling out of control and gaining my weight back. I know I can eat more but when I exercise, I am not burning a lot calories. I use to burn 100 calories per 10 minutes. Now I am burning 50 calories every 10 minutes. So I have to work twice as hard to keep my weight down. I also feel like I gained 10 pounds even though I didn't. I am suppose to compete in the Works competition on Saturday, but I am feeling fat and out of shape. I haven't decided if I want to compete. I think its a little depression since I didn't do well in my previous competitions. I have more expectation on myself for this one and am afraid that I won't do well. It is expected of me to do well since I competed in a regular show. I don't want to be looked down upon for not doing well. I know I have come so far in a year and all I can go is up. But I still feel uneasy that I am not ready, especially since I haven't been strict this last week. I have barely even hit the gym. I had a whirl wind weekend where I ate too much and drank too much. So I definitely don't feel ready. However, will I regret not doing the show even if I don't do well? Should I do it as my final show for the year? I originally signed up for the commarderie but I am not feeling connected this time. I feel removed from it since I was doing a completely different exercise program the whole time. I also am not carb depleting like everyone else. I am not feeling the stress and nervousness like everyone else. I think I should just do it but its hard when I don't feel ready. I feel in worse shape than when I was ready but not really ready. If I don't do the show, then I won't feel like I belong. If I do the show, then I have to be spray tanned again, wear my heels again, and be in a bikini again. Blah!! I don't want to. I am so far removed from this that I can't wrap my head around it. But I don't want to regret it. What to do??

I met with my trainer to work out a new program in order to grow more muscle and get ready for the next year. I am ready to continue on my journey. I will not look back to where I was, I will keep moving forward. On to the next phase.

Finale

I have successfully completed my one year journey  "From Baby to Body Builder". I started one year ago, 50 pounds heavier. I vowed that I was going to compete in the GSO. I DID IT! I finished my competition and competed in another one this past weekend. I didn't do as well as I hoped. I was hoping to place in the top 5, however, I didn't. Looking back at pictures, I am to tiny. I need to add more muscle in order to be competitve.  I also need to lean down some more and act "girlie". I am so not girlie. But I will try. It feels great to have this accomnplishment. Even though I didn't win, the journey itself was unforgetable. I made many good like minded friends and learned more about the body building diet and lifestyle. I am very glad that I have made this journey. I plan on continuing on this venture. I will spend the next year trying to build more muscle so that I will be competitive next year. Stay tuned for more info on this blog as I continue my journey to win the GSO. In the mean time, I have two half marathans to complete and a bucket list of challenges to check off my list.
Below are pictures from the Monster Mash. I competed in Fit Body and Figure. I was one out of 10. I don't know where I placed. I am the one one the right.

 I want to thank my wonderful husband who supported me during the journey. He was a great sport about not going out to eat alot and constantly hearing me complain. He was also amazing at waking up early and painting me. Thank you Scott, I love you.

I want to thank my kids for putting up with me on my cranky days. They were warned when those days came not to give me a hard time about school. They did survive this last year.

I want to thank my trainer, Caley, who helped me get started on this journey and led me in the right direction. She pushed my and wouldn't let me do it my way. She said to trust her, and I did, and look where I am today.

I would like to thank my trainer Royce, who helped me with my posing, and gave it to me straight. Everytime I asked him a question about something I know I shouldn't do, he said "sure, if I didn't want to win". I just rolled my eyes at him. But, he kept me on the right track.

I want to thank everyone else who supported and encouraged me this past year. Without my team, I couldn't have done it.

And a special thanks to Marcia Adair, who challanged me to do this competition. She was hoping I was going to say no. But I didn't. I surprised her with agreeing to compete. We pushed each other throughout the year and have grown physically and mentally. I am a healthier and better person due to this challenge.

 

 

 

The End: For Now

Time Line 2007 to 2012



 

Here are my transformation pistures. There are a few years gap between 2008 and 2011. Ella was born in February 2011, making me pregnant 2010. My real transformation started last Fall. I can't believe I was that heavy. I never realized it. Scott's transformation is amazing as well. He is much thinner now than this picture.

 

AUGUST 2007

SUMMER 2008

FALL 2011

APRIL 2012

MAY 2012





JUNE 2012

October 2012

 

 

 

 

OCT 2012

Show Day

It is 5:00am in the morning and I had to get up to eat. However, its not like I slept much last night. I need to eat every three hours before the show and drink a gallon of water. I hope I don't have to pee on stage. All this water is making me go to the bathroom every half hour. Its not fun.

I spent the week prepping for this show, hair, nails, and tanning. I have been at the gym everyday working out and then practicing posing after. My workouts started out heavy at 10 reps. I was doing a split body routine with legs on Sunday, Chest and tri's on Monday, back and bi's on Tuesday. I skipped Wednesday because of classes, and Thursday was full body day. I also took Friday off to rest up instead of doing full body. However, I still donned my heels and practiced my posing. On Thursday, I was nervous and cranky. I had my polygraph test. I knew I was going to pass it but that was the last hurdle I needed to jump through. After the test, I became more relaxed. I am happy that is over.

Tanning: I tanned on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I am very dark. My kids are starting to look at me funny. I did shower on Fridayto wash off the top coat and regroom before my final tan on Friday. I will have Scott paint me today before I leave to make sure my tan is even and smooth. I can't wait to shower tonight after the show.

On Wednesday, I had my body fat checked. It was 12.64% for the Jackson Pollock 4 and 13.4% for the Jackson Pollock 7.And I weigh 125 pounds.

 By looking in the mirror, I can see striations in my delts and cuts in my quads. Then I look at my stomach. It is not a pretty site. My upper abs show through and my lats go smoothly into my obliques. However, my lower stomach is all wrinkly with a lot of extra skin. (That's what four over 9 pound kids will do). I need to remember to pose with arching my back to tighten the skin. I also need to remember to tighten my abds when I walk and not relax until I am off the stage. There is so much to remember that I'm nervous I will forget my poses or lose my balance in the heels. All I can do is hope for the best.

I am the best me that I can be.

And I get to do this all again next week for the Monster Mash show.

Last Week to GSO and Two Weeks to Monster Mash

It has been a good week. I was extremely strict on my diet. I did not let anything pass these lips that is bad for me. I continued my exercise to strenghten and tone my body. This week coming, I will continue to diet and work out. Instead of lifting heavy, I will go lighter. I can't afford to be sore this week. On Saturday I will be holding the poses, and its hard to squeeze a sore muscle.

I am starting to get very nervous. My tanning is scheduled for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I have my polygraph test on Thursday. I need to continue to practice posing in my heels and get a final body fat percent taken. This is going to be a busy and stressful week. I still need to school my kids, work, cub scouts, teach boot camp, and bring the kids to gymnastics and hockey. I am so blessed to be able to do all this. God gave me a great husband that provides, loves, and cares for me. And who doesn't mind that I am on stage in dental floss and posted all over Facebook.

I want to thank my family for putting up with me this last year. I have had ups and down, extreme mood swings. My kids have taken the brunt of the crankiness. They are very supportive and tell me they love me just the way I am. Jared tells me how good I look and Evan is constantly on me about my diet. Ella practices posing with me. She walks behind me with her hand on her hip.  They have been goods sports. But, they are eager to see me onstage and off of this diet.

 

Two Weeks Until GSO

I am now officially two weeks out from my show. I can not believe it has been a year since I started this journey. I have lost over 50 pounds and gained in muscle and strength. My new found physique is suprising to myself and others. Most people do not believe me that I was overweight last year. I feel like I need to convince people that I wasn't always this healthy. It is a good feeling but confusing becaue I still feel like the same person. I don't see myself as an athletic person. When I am giving clients diet and exercise advice, they tell me that I just don't get it. So I have to defend myself by saying "Yes, I do! I was heavy too". I always get a suprised look. I have to carry a picture around just to prove how far I came.

Last week I went to Tennessee for vacation. We had a great time. I worked out everyday and eat healthy for the most part. However, I did drink alcohol almost every night. That was my downfall. My body is so efficient at utilizing its nutrients, that any alcohol slows it down. Unfortunately I went up .5% in body fat. However, I am very water logged because I didn't drink enough water. The water is trapped under my skin which is a definite no-no for bodybuilding.  So that could have skewed my numbers. So now I have to drink 1.5 gallons of water a day to flush out my system.

After meeting with my trainer I am on a two week strict program of dieting and exercising. I cannot afford to cheat at all. I am working out twice a day to get my body fat down and practicing posing twice a day. I will be ready for the show and be in the best shape that I can be for me.
 

4 Weeks to Go

I met with my trainer on Friday to have my body fat read and plan for the next 4 weeks. I couldn't believe that my body fat is down to 12.9%. I am very thrilled. I was hoping to be 14%. Two weeks ago I was 14.23%. However, I am the same weight that I was two weeks ago. How crazy is that! I must have built more muscle in those few weeks.

While I was posing, I could actually see abdominals. I don't think I have ever seen my abs. I still need to lose 1-1 1/2 % body fat in the next four weeks. That seems to be doable, however, I carb loaded this weekend to run my first half marathon, which I completed in 2:21:23. (which was faster than I planned!) Also, I am leaving on vacation for 9 days on Friday and when I come back, the show will be two weeks out. It is coming so fast that I am excited and nervous at the same time.

Today, I was youtubing videos of posing and T-walks to see what I need to do. When I get back, I will be practicing every night in front of mirrors to get my posing down so that it flows.

I will have to do 2 HIIT training a week and 3 slow steady state cardio a week. Also, 5-6 weight training sessions per week. I don't know where I am going to find the time to do this and homeschool and work and boot camp classes and etc. It will be a tough couple of weeks but I will perservere.